Attitudes and Harnesses

“What are your Attitudes and Harnesses in your life?” Our attitude is all about what is between our ears and how we respond to harnesses.

What are your Attitudes and Harnesses in your life?

Attitude is all about what is between our ears.
Define: Attitude is your response to a harness.

Types of harnesses


1) Decisions others made for you.
2) Worst two decisions ever made for you by someone else.
3) Decisions you made for yourself or by yourself.
4) Worst two decisions you ever made for yourself.

a) We always seem to need to blame someone else for the consequences of making bad decisions.
b) One of the main problems with not being responsible for making bad choices. We become injured by the outcome and then we become self-important and eventually we become selfish.

Learning opportunities


Desired end results

1) The requirements of class time? (getting in my way?)
2) I never listed or listened?
3) With all that I wanted or did not want I never cared about what I was learning, it made no sense.

a) Disabled?
b) Undisciplined?

Living conditions (environment)

1) What I did not have.

a) No mom who cared.
b) No dad who cared.
c) No teachers who cared.
d) Horrible place or no place to live.

2) What was wrong about what/how I lived…very poor.

a) I was abused by someone in my family.
b) I was abused by someone who I did not know.
c) I was allowed to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.
d) I did not have clean clothes or decent shoes.
e) I was left alone for hours on end.

3) What was done to me.

a) My imagination was in control.
b) Words were used on me that was unfair.
c) Words were used around me that hurt others.
d) Horrible words were continually used by the people closest to me.

4) What I missed because of no discipline.

a) I did not show up for class.
b) I did not pass any tests that I needed to take to advance.
c) I could not be active in any school activities.
d) I lost my virginity at an early age.
e) I was not trusted by others because I started lying about things in my life.
f) I did not have good outcomes from decisions I made because I did not care about anyone else in my home or in my social circle.

Locations where things happen

1) Everything was “dirty”.

a) Clothes.
b) My bed.
c) The bathroom I used.
d) The homes of my friends.
e) The thoughts that I had about others. (opposite sex)

2) Everything was always out of order.

a) Any toys I had as a kid.
b) The vehicles that my family had.
c) What food we ate and when we ate it.
d) The time I went to bed every night.

3) I never had any money.

a) I had to borrow from everyone else all the time.
b) I learned how to “lift” money from others in my family.
c) I learned how to scam stores in order to get “free” stuff.
d) I began to sell “stuff” in order to have money.
e) I got caught selling “stuff” and started to get into crime.

4) The best place to be was on the “street”.

a) I only spent time with my friends.
b) I only wanted to do things that caused drama.
c) I became “hooked” on drama.
d) I increased the drama to higher degrees of excess.
e) I was under the influence of depending on drama for my daily routines.

Abundance (feast) definition of Feast:

“Whatever was given to me or taken by me and did not come from any effort that I made.”

a) I knew where I could get stuff for just for the taking.
b) I began to make a schedule for myself that included time for getting handouts.
c) I learned ways to take things that I did not earn. (and not feel guilty)
d) I taught others how to get something for nothing and choose by friends by who agreed with me on how to live “feast to feast”.
e) I lived for the chance to get “more”.

Shortages “Famine”, definition of famine:

“Because you have something that I do not have, I want what you have.”

a) Because you have more than one of that thing I will take all of that you have because, I need those things more than you do.
b) I am struggling with making my life work right, so I need you to let me use your success as my footstool instead of me making my life work better.
c) Because I do not have any measure of making my life better, I will call that a disability. I am disabled. I need others to make my life better.
d) I am not getting my life to work right and I have a mental health issue. I will never be able to manage my problems, so I will make my problems your problems.
e) If I do not show up for a requirement make me the exception, let me off the hook.

Words that lift, definition of words that lift:

“If you want me to do better, put it in words that show me how to see what is the truth about who I am, not words that condemn me.”

1) If I live with no value for myself, I will not hear truth.

a) No value = no sense (nonsense)
The reality is this: If I believe I have no value then, what you have to say to me will have no value (nonsense).

b) No truth = Lame (excuses for being a liar)
The reality is this: If I am a liar? You are a liar?

2) If I do not hear words of truth – I will lose my freedom.
If I believe all that I hear is lies, I will manufacture words that will offend others and as a result of offending others, I will violate your value and be guilty of hurting you. If I am guilty of hurting you I will not have others in my life to hold me accountable. If I am not accountable to others, I will lose my freedoms because no one will trust me with freedoms.

3) If I lose my freedom I will destroy myself.
If you do not trust me with freedoms, I will take an action that will prove that I can’t be trusted and need to be given correction. If I do not receive correction I will destroy myself in ways that are predictable. The main thing I destroy is any value for truth and ultimately freedom.

4) This creates a circle of stupid thinking.
I become a loser and lose everything that has value in my life.

Words that put down, definition of words that put me down:

“The world around me is so small, because I have lost my freedom. I can only imagine what my world has become. So, I avoid others, I move around my little world where others cannot see me, and I live in a rut of repeated failures.”

1) This way of living is full of words that always hurt others. I never build others up, I only put others down.

a) As a result of putting others down, I live alone even if I am with others.
b) I become a loner which is in the same family of words with loser.
c) The best way to know who is a loser is to find those people who are loners. They hang out together and drop F- bombs.
d) When you are under the influence of losers/loners — you will find people who live with the habits of self-destruction.
e) People who live in the habits of self-destruction are “walking dead”. People who are walking dead live in a grave with both ends removed…. They live in a rut… their daily routines are predictable. They sabotage everything they put their hands on.

2) Even though no one understands the challenges of my life, they see the disorder and chaos and interpret that as “never gonna change”. When in reality it means that I suffer from recurring nightmares and hear voices that scare the hope right out of my life. And without hope in my life I will look just like a person who will never change.

Ambivalence, definition:

“Do something or Do nothing. Then repeat. Nothing is always accomplished when we are ambivalent”.

1) I will only fail again if I try to correct a mistake, start a new project, find a lost relationship, encounter a new opportunity, redesign a poor plan for a good effort, or – look in the mirror and find a value for the person I see in the mirror.

a) My self-protection mind set is in control of my emotions.
b) My self-importance will not let me make mistakes.
c) My will power is too weak for me to create any achievement in my life.
d) And…. I am waiting to win the lottery anyway.

2) I do not have any support in my life. And – I can’t read anyway.

a) I cannot make any moves that will make my weaknesses known to others.
b) I have not thought about anything changing because I don’t want to be disappointed again.
c) New stuff always breaks. So, why should I start up anything that will quit on me.

3) I have no ability to budget for having any money. I never have any money. I will only be poor so I don’t need a budget. Who makes plans when you can’t have a life that has good stuff in it?

a) Sometimes I really do want things to get better.
b) Sometimes I really do think things are getting better.
c) Sometimes I think that everyone is against me.
d) Then, I lose the desire for things that people won’t help me with.

4) So, I am a piece of garbage.

a) Everybody thinks I am not good for anything.
b) I guess I am not good at anything.

Commitment, definition:

“To be convinced that I am worth the effort of being involved in the process of building what will make my life better. And acting on that conviction, I put myself into a life of efforts to build relationships with: people, places, or things that will stand all the tests of time.”

1) Don’t look too close at my past. You will not think I can be successful at anything.

a) So many people have walked away from me so many times, that I don’t think I will ever find anyone that will believe in me.
b) I have literally avoided any person, place, or thing that would put me at risk of having to take a test.
c) I have lived in chaos and self-destruction for so long I would not understand what discipline can do for my life.

2) Don’t look to close at my past. You will find old troubles that I am trying to lose.

a) I really don’t know how to solve problems that came from my past mistakes.
b) I really don’t know where to go to find where I am safe from my mistakes.
c) I really don’t know when I will ever get to a place in life where I am free.
d) I really don’t know what is good about today much less tomorrow.

3) With all the uncertainty in my life,  I have to wait and see if I should ever believe that someone would ever have a place for me in anything that is good.

a) I am isolated from people that hate me.
b) I am insulated from people that want to put heat on me in order to get me to learn what I can do about improving life today and insuring better days ahead.
c) All the good things in life are out of my reach. I will live in the ruins of the past.

4) There is nowhere in my future that I can go that will get me ahead. I am so far behind in everything in life, that I hate my life.

a) I have no future, I only have the past.
b) I have nothing of any value, and that means I have no value.
c) I wish that today would just get over. I already hate tomorrow.
d) No one understands how hard it is to be me. No one understands how hard it is to live my life. No one has ever had it this bad. No one wants to be around a loser like me….anyway.

Attitudes and Harnesses Worksheet.